Thursday, October 1, 2009

LET'S TALK ABOUT ETIQUETTE...

Metro Etiquette, that is....
I'd never ridden a subway before I moved to Washington, DC. Scratch that. I think I rode it once in London. Anyhoo, the metro, as we call it here in the Nation's Capitol, (because 'subway' just doesn't sound classy) is the cleanest and safest of anywhere in the country, if not the world.

Wow. Mark this day on your calendar. I have found something positive to say about this place. And Hades hasn't even frozen over. Hand me a Kleenex - I think I'm going to cry...


Okay, back to the point...I've had to ride the metro a lot lately, and I've come up with a (short) list of things that needed to be added to the Metro Etiquette List. Yes, there is such a thing. For instance, 'I'm a tourist and don't know where the heck I'm goin' but ain't it fun to ride this here underground railroad' passengers stay to the right. (I am NOT mocking you. I've been you, trust me.) This frees up the left lane for the 'I'm in a hurry and wouldn't stop to pee on you if you were on fire' crowd to rush like a scalded dog to their next appointment. But, I have a few of my own pet peeves that really, really need to be considered for the list.



First, let's address the i-pod.

I understand the i-pod. I appreciate the i-pod. Because if you're listening to your i-pod you're not trying to ask me questions that are just none of your business. (Yes, I do come here quite often, and No, I do not have an extra dollar for you to buy a cup of coffee.) And unless you're listening to Merle (Haggard, for those of you who don't know who the greatest country music star of all time is), then I don't want to hear you're i-pod, either. Turn down the volume.

And please - I can NOT stress this enough! I do not want to see you chomping your gum to the beat of the music and/or jamming in the aisle. 9 times out of 10 you are a white man and you just can't dance.

(Above picture stolen from Flicker. If you actually know this person and arent' ashamed to admit it, please contact me and I'll credit the photo to you.)

Now, let's talk about cell phones...



Am I the only in with a crappy cell phone package? The only one whose cell phone does not work underground? Apparently so. Because this is the conversation I had to endure last night. No, I was not eavesdropping, she was talking at the top of her lungs.


"Giirrrrl, you know I told him to get his sorry %^# outta my house! Mmhmm, yes I did"


while the guy behind me is planning a corporate takeover,

"Get his &*(__ attorney on the phone, now! This is not what we $#@^^ agreed to! This is not in the (*&%% contract! Set up a meeting pronto!"

As they both got louder, and I am sitting between them their voices start to combine and it sounds something like this...

"Girrlll, you know ^&#@! and his contract **& booty call %$#@ in the office on the table *&&**) then I'll just date Senator ##@&* and smack his booty during a conference call!"

Whew! Talk about sensory overkill!!

I wish the Washington Post would publish this on their front page. Maybe it would make people stop and ponder if their behavior is metro-appropriate. Plus, I bet I'd have a lot of support, and it'd be really interesting to see what my fellow riders would add to the list.

Til next time...gotta go before I miss my train. Now, where's my i-pod?











10 comments:

Valerie@travelingthrough2 said...

Oh Kathie, I had a real hard time trying to stop laughing after I read this last night. I love it!
Valerie

Princess Freckles said...

Too funny and sadly, I assume, too true! I read another blog where people post different conversations they overhear (and the metro mostly) between Hill interns. Hilarious! There are some characters in D.C.!

Kate said...

How do people not know stand right, walk left??

Beth Dunn said...

What about texting??? That is the whole purpose I thought. Maybe Miss Janice will address this as well--if not put it in your next novel LOL

xoxo

SC

Kelly said...

Just stopping by to look at your blog again. You are too funny! Love your new house too!
Kelly

ADG said...

It's not "scalded" Kathie. It's "scaltid". You of all people oughta have knowed this.

Onward-not scaltid-just hot as all get out.

ADG

Rodeo Princess said...

Hey, Kat. I've started a blog on Sydney's progress with riding so stop on by.

White man dancing, haha....

Summer said...

Oh well written. And that white shirt is so cool. Look so neat. =D

Summer
A Writers Den
Brown Mestizo

Mrs. G said...

They should put this in the Washington paper and all papers across the country. It is so annoying to listen to crude people conversing for all to hear.
Great post. Thanks for the morning laugh.
Hugs,
Sue

Coffee with Cathy said...

Kathie -- Amen, sister! Now, if only people would listen to you ...