Monday, February 22, 2010

types of stalking

I feel compelled to finish my posting on stalking. The more educated you are the more you can protect yourself. I don't know if the news is just reporting on this more or if there truly is more of this bizarre behavior going on.


Simple Obsessional - A prior relationship exists between the victim and the stalker which includes the following: acquaintance, neighbor, customer, professional relationship, dating or lover. The stalking behavior begins after the relationship has gone sour, or the perpatrator believes the relationship has gone sour, or perceives some sort of mistreatment then begins a campaign to rectify the situation or seek vengeance. (Please note: there is such a gross misconception that stalkers are always men. Not true. There are plenty of women stalkers as well. One of the most bizarre cases of simple obsessional is women stalking women.
For instance, False Victimization stalking is a sub-type of Simple Obsessional.
This type of stalking happens when someone has a deep affection for an individual and works to 'become' that person. I'm more familiar with this type than I'd like to be as this is what my family and I had to endure for several years.
It all started out very innocent. This woman strongly pursued a friendship. Although there were red flags everywhere (my daughter was on to this woman from the get-go) I was raised to be a 'nice girl' and tolerated her because I wanted to be nice.
When she found out I'd had a stillborn baby, she said she'd had two. She even told me their names and cried when she talked about them. I later found out they never existed. She started dressing like me, wearing her hair like me, doing everything I did which in and of itself is very psychologically draining to the victim. Do you know how bad it makes you look when you're asking for help and you tell someone that this person is trying to 'be' you? It really puts the victim in a bad light. It makes you appear to be very 'conceited' and 'full of yourself', especially as this 'sub-type' of Simple Obsessional is very rare, and almost always women vs women. I can't tell you how many times people would laugh and think it was just 'two bitchy, competitive women fighting over turf', when in actual fact this type is one of the most dangerous types of stalking. The more the stalker realizes they cannot 'become' their victim, the more frustrated they become until their acts become violent. They are delusional and usually have 'histrionic personality disorder'. They will not rest until they destroy their victim whether it be through reputation or actually physically destroying them. Sadly, the victim has to separate themselves from the stalker, i.e. moving, change jobs, etc, as the stalker will never 'give up' their obsession.
Erotomania - The central theme of the delusion is that another person is in love with the individual. The delusion often concerns idealized romantic love and spiritual union rather than sexual attraction, i.e. "a perfect match". The object of affection is usually of a higher status and can be a complete stranger. Efforts to contact the victim are common, but the stalker may keep the delusion a secret.
Love Obsessional - Similar to the erotomanic individuals. The victim is almost always known through the media. The delusion that the victim loves may also be held, but don't necessarily have the delusion that their victim loves them back. A campaign is begun to make his/her existence known to the victim.
Articles on the internet boast that all 50 states now have stalking laws in place. In most states it is incredibly difficult to get restraining orders. While I can appreciate the fact that this prevents crazy people from ruining an innocent persons reputation, I can attest to the fact that even when a victim has proof they are often denied this protection because 'nothing has happened', or 'they're not deemed a threat.' In a lot of states you can only get a protective order against someone directly related to you, and yet in others you can get a restraining order but not until they're proven a threat, or they've already 'done something'.
I know that domestic violence is a huge problem in this country and I am not trying to diminish that, but authorities need to realize that this is not the only type of victimization. They also need to realize that men aren't the only violent offenders.
And those of us that have been victims need to lobby and educate our state legislators to the facts.

3 comments:

Bella Della said...

Kathie-
I just read all your posts regarding the stalking and I have to say I am shocked at how misinformed I was. I really thought there were better laws out there to prevent this short of thing from happening. Thank you so much for opening my eyes.

I can't imagine what you had to deal with. I can sense how draining it was just in your words.

Thank you for telling your story. It will help someone.
Hugs,
Kim
BellaDella

gCe said...

The police and university are issuing a no contact order!

TCavanaugh said...

It is so sad that in this country we tend to protect the criminal and there is little to no protection for the victim. Great blog. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience.