Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Dear September 10th,

Here we are again for the 25th year in a row, staring each other down like mortal enemies. Maybe it's time we have that talk that's long overdue.

First of all, I don't like you - that's no secret. But this next admission just might surprise you;  You see, I have come to realize that my dislike for you isn't totally fair. You're not the only day to blame. Nope, September 9th needs to 'man up' and share some of that burden as well.

After all, September 9th you were the one that started this. Don't look at me like that - you know what you did! It was YOU we were marvelling at with the golden autumn sunshine, warm temperature and your blue cloudless sky before you sucker punched us with the news that our baby's heart had stopped beating. It was YOU that continued to happen as the world spinned on it's axis, while ours came to a screeching halt. You went on and on with your beautiful self just like everything was perfect while we waited to give birth to a little boy that would never breath your air. It was YOU that passed by so slowly, holding onto him until you could force him out into the wee hours of an innocent, unsuspecting new day. How very clever, thinking you could shrink away and be forgotten as if him coming into this world on a different day would absolve you of any wrong.

But on the other hand September 10th, it hasn't helped your case that every year - and it doesn't matter how deep of a sleep I'm in - my eyes fly open at exactly 30 minutes past midnight - the exact time that sleeping angel entered our world.

Every year the week leading up to you I beg God for something wonderful to happen on September 10th This Year. Something that we can remember for all time - that magical 'Something' that will fill that awful, empty void you left us with.

'Please Jesus - let me win the lottery.... get that promotion.... that house.... or at the very least make me thinner on this day.'

This year I decided to 'get tough' by prepping myself and repeating the following over and over.

'You need to let this go, Kath. He was only a baby - it's not like you really knew him. It's not like Cheri Allison's Nathan, or Maretta Smith's Shawn - young men that were taken in their prime - Jayson was 'just' a baby.'

Yes, but he was my baby.

So you see, Sep - I can call you Sep, can't I? Unless you know somethin' I don't, we'll be meeting here again next year - and the next, and the next...

But here's a cold hard fact - you won't win at this game. I may die tomorrow, or I may die at 105. But when I get where I'm goin' there'll be only 'happy tears' and you won't even be a memory.
And looonnggg after you're gone - don't look so surprised - you know what the Good Book says - time (that's you) will pass away - and our relationship will come to an abrupt halt. But until that happens I suppose I'll just deal with you the best way I know how. I'll go ahead and feel what I feel and gather up a years worth of strength until our next meeting. After all, it is what it is...



Phyllis Lines said...

Prayers are with you on this day. 23 years ago - I was living in KC at the time. I remember reading about Jayson in the paper and especially remembering the spelling since he was Jay's son. Thought it was neat.

Beth Dunn said...

Tears. You are very strong, thinking of you today

Valerie@travelingthrough2 said...

Hoping strength for you as you move through this trying time of year.

trash talk said...

I'm thinking of you right now and sending prayers for strength to just get through today. My heart aches for yours.

Sheena Simpson said...

No matter what we'll always have a bond with our little angels. They were a part of us, and always will be. My prayers are with you. And maybe our little boys are in heaven playing with cars, waiting for us.

Old Centennial Farmhouse said...

WOW. Kathie, that is one powerful piece of writing...and boy, what a tough thing to face, to know it's coming and that you cannot stop it. All I can say that you have more than one good reason to long for heaven, my friend. And, may I also say that I do love you, very much.

New Every Morning said...

I love your approach to this. I hate that you have to face it each year. Hugs and prayers.

Anonymous said...

I and my wife experienced the same thing seven years ago, only ours was on July 29, with the 28 being our day of hope and the 27 the last time we felt our/my son’s last movement.

My wife was pregnant with twins; suffice it to say that for us, the last week of a beautiful month is marred with the memory of happiness, hopefulness, sadness, agony and resignation.

I wish you and yours blessings and strength.


Kathie Truitt said...

Dear EC, I wish I could tell you that it gets better every year, but it doesn't....

Trust me, I'll remember this and I'll be thinking of you all next July 29th! ((hugs))


angie and the boys said...

Hi Kathie,

I came to your website via Beth's blog. I have spent the last two hours "getting to know you". I really like you! I just downloaded your book to my ipad through Kindle. I am so excited to read False Victim.
Prayers for you and your family today.


Katydid said...

I am sorry for your sadness every September 10th. God bless.

Anonymous said...

I will never know the pain of what you've gone through and how could I possibly find the right thing to say? So I will send you a belated long distance hug and tell you that when you find yourself facing this date in the years to come, perhaps that whisper soft breath in your ear will be your little angel, telling you his spirit walks with you. Love you! RMc

bj said...

What a sweet tribute to your little boy.
My heart and hugs to, bj

Farrah said...

Miss Kathie,

Oh honey, unfortunately I do know your pain. My baby, Nathaniel, perished on August 18th. I hope you were able to find some joy on this day. If you're like me the week of you're just a witch.

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