Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Just thinking out loud

I have pondered for quite some time if I am going to leave my blog up.
Let's face it: I haven't written on here much lately. Actually, I have not written ANYWHERE lately and I had been wondering if I might just give it up altogether.
Here is the chain of events leading up to this revelation:
I was all set to do a charity book signing in my hometown over the holidays. I had 2 full boxes of "False Victim" and one box of "The Hillbilly Debutante Café", however when I went to load up for the signing, my boxes of "False Victim" were gone. Vanished. Nowhere to be found.
I'm telling you, I tore that house apart looking for those boxes. At the last minute, I had to cancel the signing altogether.
I knew - and my husband agreed - that I could not show up at a book signing and make it with 'The Hillbilly Debutante Cafe' on it's own.
I felt awful for 2 reasons - mainly, because I'd let people down. And 2: because the realization, for the first time, hit me that I am really nothing without 'FV'.
First of all, let me say, I am so grateful for the success of
'False Victim'. I still wish the story had never happened, but am thankful that I was able to take an awful thing and turn it into something good.
But the fact is, I love and am proud of my work on the
'The HD Cafe'.
One endorser described it as a 'combination of Steel Magnolia's meets Fried Green Tomatoes with a sprinkle of My Name is Earl on top'. 
I have learned the hard way that this is not what the majority of people want to read. They want drama. Or romance.
And I don't want to write about either. If that is what it takes to be a successful author, then I have nothing to offer.
It was 2 weeks within that self-revelation that the man we hired to haul off trash, just happened to pick up my last box of books and took them to the dump. Ouch. He apologized profusely but that obviously didn't make them any less at the dump with all the other waste.
Ironically, it was 2 weeks after that, that I learned my publisher had closed up shop. I had suspected for some time that was going to happen.  Through the years I'd taken quite a bit of criticism for choosing to go with that particular publisher.
Keep in mind, I'd also signed a movie contract and everyone wanted a percentage of that except for this publisher, which pretty much made my decision to sign with them. I still say it was a good decision at the time.
So. Here I sit. Writing on my blog, knowing that no one is really reading it anymore....and wondering where to go from here.
I think for now I am going to use the blog as my diary. I enjoy writing and if I'm writing in it just for me, I don't feel the pressure of having to please anyone.