She thinks her sh*t don't stink......

Sometimes I feel like I'm living in some sort of Hallmark movie. You know the kind - girl moves away from hometown and then returns a few years later for some reason or another, finds love and they live happily ever after.

Of course, the story doesn't come without twists and turns before the protagonist reunites with an old sweetheart.  The town, at first apprehensive about the reason behind her return, finally welcomes her back and she lives happily ever after, amen.

So, my first thought was that since it's been 42 years and I'm no longer that 'fresh-faced ingenue', that settling into life here would be easy. I pose no threat to anyone. Still have the high school boyfriend, so don't have to worry about his current, clingy jealous girlfriend. And since I'm older, I'll easily slink into the wood work, re-kindle old friendships and relax on easy street.

 Okay - scratch that - I'm 59 years old and realize that nothing is ever easy....but still, this SHOULD be, right? 

After all, like I've told you before, I live on a secluded farm, but still close to town. It's truly a perfect place for writing, contemplating, planning, creativity. A perfect place to settle into my later years and after all these years of being a gypsy, put down roots.

Why oh why am I such a positive, hopeful person, when life's experience has taught me these qualities are not practical and especially not realistic?

Of course, gossip is always rampant in a small-town. I try very hard to not participate unless it is to say something good about someone:

(Doesn't Mary So and So look amazing with that new hairdo? And how about Bill So and So with that new promotion? Let's not forget Sally Sue - that girl always has been so talented)

But with me? Do people ever like to share the 'good' that they hear about me? 

Apparently, not. 

"I hear Kathie Truitt is back in town....she thinks her shit don't stink" (overheard from a business owner talking to one of their employees while their store was packed. You also need to know that I have no clue who this person is. Wouldn't know them if I saw them. Several of my customers overheard this)

"She (me) thinks she is better than everyone else." (I've had people tell me this to my face and I don't know what else to do to change that perception. I'm the friendliest person you'll ever meet. I don't care WHO you are, what you're wearing, what you drive, what your house looks like, everyone is treated with LOVE and respect, so I'm not sure where that is coming from? If you're reading and you 'see' this in me, please enlighten me so I can work on that).

My favorite though is when someone calls me a narcissist - people have relegated that term to me several times. Please keep in mind these are not people who hold a psychology degree. (For those of you wondering, my therapist - as in a real therapist that has actually has a doctorate from an ivy league college has assured me that I am NOT a narcissist).

What I AM is someone who has spent years working hard, perfecting my craft, building my brand and my network - ESPECIALLY my network. 

I am also confident. What people mistake as 'cockiness' or maybe even 'narcissism' is confidence.

Confidence comes from two things (at least for me): God, first and foremost - and second, age.

I'm 59. Will be 60 in 8 days. I've spent most of my adult life failing, getting back up, failing again, changing my strategy, still failing, and doing it over and over and over again until something 'takes.' 

Now, I am at the point that I don't even care if what I set out to do is successful or not. I truly don't! I have found it's the journey that matters.

If people would see the real me - and notice I said 'would' not 'could' because they CAN see me - I'm an open book --they'd see someone who has no fear.

I have no fear of failure.

I have no fear of  laughter and judgement if I DO fail or fall flat, 

I have one thing to say to you people who think you know me and it's this-

Hang around with me long enough and soon YOU, too, will be thinking that YOU can do anything and be anything you set your mind to!

Even though I'm getting ready to wrap my 50's - I am learning once again that life is not, has never been and never will be a Hallmark movie.

And as for 'putting down roots', I'm not even sure what that means. But I am trying to live each and every day to its fullest, not think too much about or plan too much for the future, but to find the joy in every single day. 

I will be honest that right now I am finding that most difficult - but I find it easier to cope with this little space right here that I use to type out my thoughts. 

And if you're reading this - which you aren't because no one reads these things anymore (thanks to social media), I hope you'll check in from time to time, because boy do I have a lot more to tell you....

For instance, the bench. Trust me, you'll want to hear about this stupid bench, mixed with my creativity has ruined my life - but it's for another time.